Faith

A Key to Your Personal Growth

January 2, 2019

In this New Year lots of us will focus on a bunch of things we want to change, many of them the same things we said the year before. What typically happens is we get discouraged early by our lack of commitment, progress or both and give up until next January. There’s a key step most of us either avoid or breeze through without really exploring. In my growth over the years, it’s been this key that has made all the difference. Read on to discover more. Personal Reflection is the KEY to personal growth!  If we don’t stop and take the time necessary to truly reflect we could end up setting goals, making commitments and rearranging priorities around the wrong things. Or worse yet, we could deal with symptoms to our issues but never really deal with THE issue which will lead to greater frustration. So how do you and I learn to reflect well?1. Take a block of TIME. You will need to prioritize this, I typically like about 3 hours for this exercise. Leave your device on silent or do not disturb and fight your own temptation to look at it, whatever it is, it can wait! If you write a journal or have any work you’ve done on your personal life over the past year, bring that along with you, it could be an important tool, even if just to bring some encouragement to the process.2. Start by ENVISIONING. Write a few sentences of how you would like to describe yourself a year from now. What is your character like? Are there any changes to your physical appearance? Are there new relationships developed? Are there books you’ve read this new year or experiences you had. What is your relationship with God like? Write about these things in the past/present tense (as if you’ve already done them or changed what needed to be changed). I found the envision stage provides the necessary motivation to push through the challenges. The more “attractive” this person is to you, the more excited you’ll be to create this new reality.3. THINK DEEPLY about the things that caused you the most frustration this past year. Often we are hard on ourselves, but there’s a reason when that particular thing happened or came out that you were impacted relationally. Sometimes that thing is something you can change (with God’s help), sometimes it’s your reaction and endurance to those situations that you can change. But typically the things that raised negative emotions for us this past year are things we can learn from and put in place necessary changes.4. CONSIDER JESUS. Who did God make you to be? What parts of you right now are out of alignment with what God has for you? What attribute of a follower of Jesus do you want to become stronger in or known for? Is there a spiritual discipline you want to grow in? Is there a ministry or group you want to engage with that will stretch you spiritually? Recording all these thoughts will help as we move to the decision part of our reflection.5. CONSIDER RELATIONSHIPS. Some of this likely already came out in some of your former work, but relationships have such power in our lives that we need to make sure we are examining them fully. It may be that there is someone you need to let in a little deeper this next year and share some of your struggles, pain or dreams with. It may that someone irritates you or the relationship is strained right now, a good examination of your own part in the situations could be fertile ground some good growth on your part. Make sure you are especially examining the relationships that are closest to you, in most cases they can get better, so record your findings from the examination and reflection you do.6. RECOGNIZE HISTORY. Where were you hoping to be by now? Where are are short from where you wanted to be? What has been an ongoing pattern that is not likely to be changed without some outside help? Where did you grow this past year that is worth celebrating? What would you like to keep doing that you’ve been doing? What new goals might take this to a whole new level?7. Finally, SET SOME GOALS. Now review the work you’ve done in the previous 6 steps. I would highly recommend you not bring ALL of it forward. You’re likely to not be able to do all that you would hope, so prioritize from your findings what you think will be most beneficial. What are 2-3 things that you’d really regret if you didn’t make progress on this next year? Once you have those 2-3 things, start setting some goal with a timeline and measurements, ie. By March I will have had 2 conversations with this person, we will have discussed these 2 issues. or By next month I will write on my calendar a plan for doing this critical activity, I will then follow through on my scheduled events. While you may be able to write some results in your goals, In a lot of the things you may not have control over the outcome but you can control your activity, so often even in the relational stuff, I like to set a goal of having the conversations, although I don’t know how the person will respond and therefore can only control my part in that situation. If you make your goals dependent on another person’s response, you’ll often be discouraged or frustrated when things don’t happen in the ways you’d like.This is not the end-all be-all for reflection and making growth plans, but I’m guessing it’s probably a lot more than most of us have done in the past. I guarantee you it will take you further than you’ve been before! Enjoy!

Blessing & Curse of Quarantine

April 6, 2020

It’s already been weeks for most of us where we’ve been under a “shelter in place” order or something similar. Most however are still not quite adjusted to a “new normal” and some don’t want to adjust at all. I’ve noticed in any situation like this we can view it as a curse, a problem to be avoided, escaped from or solved. However what if you and I looked at it as an opportunity? Opportunities tend to bring hope, without any opportunity there is likely no hope. But to be clear, opportunities aren’t always pleasant. For example this situation could be an opportunity to expose that our trust is in something other than God. It could be an opportunity to reveal an underlying loneliness or relational strain that was unrecognized in the busy seasons we’ve all been in. But even with the challenges that some opportunities can pose, they rarely are a “curse”. Again, if this situation exposes a shallow faith or misplaced trust we can choose to go deeper and realign. If loneliness is revealed, it’s a chance to invite the Creator of the universe and you to enter into your reality in a more relational way than ever before. And if your relationships with the people closest to you are not (and maybe never really were) at a level of transparency and connectedness that you hoped, it opens a chance to be something different (albiet often going through some tough conversations). Essentially, what does it mean to apply a “life in process” mentality to our current crisis/ opportunity? Allow me to offer a few suggestions… 1. Don’t be afraid to see what’s there Often we can be fearful to examine our reality. Remember, when you see problems as opportunities it brings hope to an otherwise hopeless situation. God rarely transforms us in areas we are completely unaware of. We need to surrender our struggles to God because He cares for us. As we invite Him in, the potential to become who we were always meant to be all of a sudden becomes a likelihood! 2. Confess what you are aware of We typically make two errors here, we either take too much responsibility for the problem or we take no responsibility (we blame!) After you see what is truly happening, own what you can own! If it’s with God, confess to God where you’ve been seeking outside of Him. If it’s with a person in your life, own what you’ve been doing wrong, don’t make excuses for it, don’t explain why you think you acted that way (unless asked) – just own it. Confession can become a catalyst for transformation. 3. Take next steps Part of the “life in process” mentality is to realize that none of us have arrived and none of us are perfect. Since, here at Life In Process we start with that premise that means we ALWAYS have a next step. You may not know how to bring all the needed change, you may not have a full plan laid out, but it’s likely you can think of one small step in the right direction. In my life I’ve found that lots of small steps in the right direction bring about some pretty incredible movement. The key is to be on the narrow way that leads to life and keep moving forward even when you’re scared. In times like this, we have opportunities to grow forward and become who God made us to be (and may be actually leveraging this moment for such a purpose?)

Control vs Trust

December 23, 2015

As I get older I see how little I actually control. Sure, I’d like to tell myself that I control my world and I definitely act like I have more control than I really do. Look at how much I worry and get stressed. I act like there is something I can do to change the outcomes of lots of things that I have absolutely no power over.

COVID Christmas Challenge

December 1, 2020

As we all gear up for Christmas we can’t help but feel differently than we ever have before. COVID has changed everything for us all, from our emotional and mental health to our relational opportunities and spiritual security. It’s interesting how in the midst of a crisis we tend to respond either by wanting to fight or wanting to flee. You’ll need to identify what your default is but the interesting thing about this phenomenon is regardless of which response is yours, the object or destination of this action seems to matter little. For example, if your default is to fight, some of us will fight the government and its guidelines and others will be negative towards your spouse. If your response is to flee, some will physically flee or hide and others will seek relief in a substance or some other distraction. The bottom line in the midst of this crisis is most if not all of us feel like victims. What if we decided to stand up to the “normal” and “expected” and began to be active rather than reactive, to make choices rather than complain and to grow rather than simply endure? Let’s look at a few areas where this COVID Christmas could become something meaningful in our lives. This is your COVID Christmas Challenge: Expose reality and recalibrate – many of us don’t want to see what is really there, and yet as people of faith this crisis is exposing what was already there. Unfortunately, many of us have realized how little we really trust God or how surfacey our connection with Him really is. Too many of us have become content to allow the church to be central in our faith while taking very little personal ownership. Without the weekly “hit” of a sermon and music set, some of us have felt lost or simply carried on without much thought about our faith. The problem is what is really exposed is how weak we really are and the things we are hoping in are not sufficient for the challenges we’re facing. We must choose to recalibrate around what matters most and plant deep roots by the still waters of God and His Word. We must begin to read the Bible for ourselves and pray for more than just our meals. I would strongly recommend immersing yourself in Colossians 3 for a while – it will do all the heavy lifting necessary in this first challenge. 2. Enjoy the People In Your Life – while we’re busy “waiting” for this to be over, there are people all around us and we have opportunities like we rarely have ever had before. Whether it’s your family or friends this is the time to connect, not disconnect. One of the saddest things about this pandemic is when we don’t get to go to the places we typically go, and we no longer see the people we see that we simply forget. My guess is there is someone right now who would love a text message, an email, or a phone call from you right about now. Have we forgotten how to love, or maybe we never really knew how? What a great opportunity we have to practice new skills and renew old ones. I’ll give you a hint, make it about them and not about you. Ask good questions and actually listen to the answers (and if you want a star, ask a follow-up! :)) 3. Engage in the Everyday with an Eternal Perspective – I am a visionary person and so I tend to live a lot of my life in the future. And when it comes to a crisis like this my thoughts of the future are when we’re through this. The problem with this mindset is I have a hard time being present today with the people I’m with. To engage in the everyday means I will be present which has a number of pragmatic implications. For one, that means I will choose to limit my social media and phone usage. Social media and games on our devices can become another form of escape. Limit yourself so that either you can engage with people around you, or you’ll have the space and capacity to make a call or reach out to others. Secondly, stop talking about “when this is over” and start making memories right now. Your life need not be on hold, it’s time to step up to the opportunities that are more clear than ever! And finally, live your life with an eternal perspective which means we focus on the things that last forever and the mission that Jesus has left us with: to make disciples. A disciple is simply someone on the journey towards God and who He made us to be. We can make choices now to step forward on that journey, and also influence and help others on that journey. This could be reaching out to someone far from God, or encouraging someone who already knows Him. The key is to see everyone and everything from an eternal and discipleship perspective. COVID doesn’t need to win here. This season can be the ideal opportunity to do things that are long overdue. You and I have a unique chance in time to not fight or flee but to forward the purposes of God in our lives and the lives of others. Part of me wonders if God is leveraging this season of waiting in order to align His children around what matters most and reach those who need Him more than ever. You and I have the choice of what to do with the challenge before us. I pray you’ll stand up with me and accept the COVID Christmas Challenge! (Feel free to share your thoughts and your commitments and experiments with your challenge in the comment section below).

Don't Waste the Wait

September 18, 2020

If you’re anything like me, waiting is not something you enjoy. It feels inefficient, a waste of time. Every time I call a business and learn my wait time is anything more than 3-4 minutes, I tend to move the phone to “speaker” and go find something else to do….while I wait! I try to be on time to everything and when I’m on time and whoever I am going to see is not ready, it frustrates me. I’m not a fan of waiting, so you can imagine, for me, this season is incredibly difficult. As I write this, I’ve left my position at a local church and don’t yet have my new assignment from God.  And so this blog post is real-time for me. I thought I’d share with you a few questions I’m asking during this season and ways I’m trying to maximize the waiting. For you, the waiting season may be forced on you or something you’ve chosen, but regardless, let’s not waste the waiting. Before I get to the questions, let’s just get real for a second, most of us don’t wait well. Most of us, including me, tend to spend our energy finding ways to reduce our wait time, skip it or escape from it in some temporary “make me forget I’m waiting” activity which may or may not be even healthy or holy. And to some degree, if you are able to do something that can reduce your waiting time, you should do it. The problem comes when it becomes an obsession or desperation. Trying to skip it typically is not wise, because often God wants to use our wait to do something in us. And escapism is typically not wise even if the thing you are using to escape isn’t sinful or unhealthy. Let’s get back to reducing the wait time – this can be helpful if not taken to extremes. For example, in this season for me, I’m out of work. So, yes, I am pursuing leads, sending resumes, networking, and having conversations with folks. In my line of work, a search can take anywhere from 4-8 months on average so if I did nothing I would be unnecessarily extending my wait. I do what I can, but not more than that. Meaning I can’t force it, I don’t want to make a desperate move into something I am not qualified or called to do just to eliminate the wait, etc. And I don’t need to obsess and spend every waking hour dwelling on it and spinning my wheels. So once you’ve done whatever you can do to reduce the wait, how do we learn to not waste the wait How is my relationship with God right now? Is there anything blocking my ability to hear from Him? Am I resenting Him, not trusting Him, or angry with Him? Have I started talking with Him about that? Am I leaning on Him and finding Him, a solid rock to rest on during this season? (This is so key! If my relationship with God is off, the rest of life is a ticking time bomb.)   Have you taken time to rest, sabbath, refresh and heal? Oftentimes what puts us into a waiting time requires some healing or at the very least some rest and replenishment. Don’t miss the opportunity to get what you need emotionally, spiritually and physically.   What has needed development in my life? Typically when we’re busy doing, we don’t often stop to develop and while lots of development happens “on the job” there are often some character issues or even personality issues that we tend to live with but think, “I should deal with that someday.” Today is that day. Chart a plan, find a tool, ask a friend to check-in and get busy on development.   What relationships can deepen now that I have the capacity I didn’t have before? Seasons like this can be gifts to a relationship if you’re intentional with it. And sometimes, it’s the strengthening of these relationships that you’ll need for the next season you enter into. If you don’t do the hard work now in this waiting time, you’ll be ill-equipped for the next season when you’ll need a deeper relationship to succeed.   Finally, what projects or tasks have I wanted to get to but never seem to fully have the time? For example, I’ve had my second book on the “when I get time” list for a few years now. I will be working on getting that done in this next month. There are also some organizational projects I’ve put off etc. that can all be worked on, while I wait. I’ve found this is critically important since a sense of accomplishing something is important for us psychologically and it shifts my focus away from obsessing on reducing the wait.   I am far from figuring it all out, but I do pray these questions are helpful for you if you find yourself in a season of waiting for whatever reason.

End Time Distractions

July 24, 2018

Sometimes I think I’m too simplistic in the way I think about my faith. I am definitely a literalist and take what the Bible says at face value. I find it fascinating that Jesus, when asked to summarize hundreds of commands, simply said, “love God and love people”. There are a handful of these simple summaries of what we are to be about. The Great Commission for example calls us to go and make disciples. Paul and Peter continually remind us we are in a spiritual battle field. They also both remind us of working for the end goal/eternity/2nd Coming etc. And in light of all of this, I find it fascinating how well meaning Christians get distracted in seemingly “spiritual” endeavors that actually hinder the fulfillment of the “main thing(s)”. In my life as a Christian I’ve found this particularly in discussion of the End Times. And while I know there is much written on the subjects, there is also so much mystery around it. Did God intend for us to try to solve the mystery or let the mystery drive us to worship and life on mission? Did Paul, Peter, Jesus and John provide us with information to peak our curiosity or to bring hope to those who were struggling, persecuted and impatient? I truly have no desire to judge the motives or behavior of some great Christian brothers or sisters. And yet I wonder if some of us could be using our fascination with the unknown and end times to distract us from doing the things, and being the people we are called to be? Now, to be clear, I know some Christians who know a ton and study a lot about the end who are also actively engaged in evangelism, loving others and serving God’s church. And unfortunately I’ve seen many Christians who attend prophecy conferences, consume book after book on the subject who are disconnected from church life, aren’t serving and aren’t sharing faith. Sure they share about the end times, but not the hope and captivating true story of Jesus death and resurrection for us. And when I think of the hours and hours poured over the end times, the specifics of politics and history etc. I can’t help but wonder what those hours could have been used for to “move the ball down the field” missionally speaking. Again, my heart in this post is not to condemn, but it is to question. My hope is we will all do some heart searching, assess the way we spend our time, take note of our focus areas and if necessary realign with the heart of God.

Enemies to Growth

September 22, 2016

When we want to grow spiritually there are a number of enemies that will look to stand in our way. Remember, God designed us uniquely, He wants us to grow and He wants us to be free from the sin and brokenness that often brings out the worst in us. By becoming more aware both of the enemies and the tactics of the enemies, as well as the Truth about them we will be less likely to fall for their attacks. Here are 4 common enemies: #1: Society 1 John 2:16-17 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. Society or the world as it’s put here is the man-centered way of life which ignores God and operates by its own standards. The reality is society is all around us, like water for a fish – but the big issue is not the presence of the world but how we live in it Tactics: False values enculturated – all about desires being met with no consequence or regard for others –it’s things like immediate gratification, sensualism, materialism Truth: The truth is necessary to defeat the lies and when it comes to the world, it’s passing away and has no real substance – it’s like the Monopoly money in the real world – there’s no real value to it. #2: Self Believe it or not, what is inside of us can be an enemy to our transformation and forward movement — It comes down to an issue of identity – many of us try to find ourselves and our identity in any place except for God – so we look to our job or relationships or what we have or our talents etc. Tactics: Shame and Fear So here’s how this works – God is at work in your life, He’s wanting to transform you and grow you but all of sudden your shame throws up a road block — “I can’t grow after what I’ve done” or “I’ll always be broken or you can challenge me on any issue, but not that one, I can’t help that — after what I’ve been through, you can’t expect me to be any different.” Or maybe it’s fear – we don’t know what the other side of transformation might look like so we fear it and we stay where we’re comfortable, sure it’s not all it could be, but it’s what we know. Here’s the problem- that is not who you are, shame and fear are not what God gives us, and the thing that frustrates me about myself and others is I feel like these tactics have been working on so many of us for years! And some of us have so much shame and so many fears that we have been rendered completely useless to the kingdom because of it. So listen, Jesus came to die for sin, your sin, your shame, your fear and the Bible says God didn’t give us a spirit of fear but one of power — when we let shame or fear win – we are operating outside of what Jesus died to give us. Truth: In Christ we are accepted and courageous #3: Sin 1 Peter 2:11 Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. He says, there are passions in us that are “waging war against your soul” — this is a little different than self, because these are the actions we do often in response to some perceived deficiency in us or what we do to get what we think we need — it’s missing the mark, it’s operating outside of God’s design – if you’re a Christian, it’s going against your own identity. Tactic: Temptation to short cut or not trust God “I know God says, I know God wants, I know God tells me I am made for…” But instead we say, “but if I have sex before I’m married, then I get to shortcut what God wants and let sin win” or “I know God says He will do… but what if He doesn’t and what if He’s taking too long — you see in normal circumstances this would be wrong, but in my situation, I don’t have a choice!” If you want to win over sin, know the truth… Truth: Sin=death (of relationships, or meaning, of fulfillment); God’s way=Life (even if it feels like it’s taking too long or not what you thought) #4: Satan 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. This is the enemy we probably think about most when it comes to what might hold us back. I think Satan, the evil one leverages all 3 of those other enemies against us. Make no mistake folks – the devil is a roaring lion looking for someone to devour and unfortunately there is a ton of us who are making it real easy because we fall for society, we let our broken selves lead and we sin hoping to find what we want and all of those things make us ineffective for the mission of God and keep us on the sidelines when it comes to God’s transforming work. Satan knows what we could be, what church could be, what any of us could be if we let God get a hold of us and stepped into His light. Tactics: Distort, Distract, Defeat He can’t create anything, he can only distort what God has created. If he can’t get us in sin, he’ll make us busy and distracted building our own kingdoms instead of pursuing God’s plan. And ultimately he wants to heap on the shame and the guilt so that all of us will be depressed, broken and unwilling to step forward in faith! Defeated. Truth: Jesus is bigger! 1 John 4:4 Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. We give our enemies power over us they shouldn’t have. The thing is every one of these enemies are real BUT we choose to give them all more power than they deserve or possess — for example, when we have an area where we are tempted, to put ourselves as close to sinning without sinning, is just stupid. It’s like someone saying, I have trouble with gambling, but I just go to the casinos for the shows and the food. Or someone saying, how far can I go sexually with my partner without it being called “sin”; I don’t know, how many parts of your car can you remove and it still be called a car? Dumb question. Some of us have allowed our past shame or our fears have so much control over us that we are losing before we even start fighting and those are our choices folks. Don’t fall for the lie that you “can’t help it” — there are choices you can make to lessen the power and impact of the enemies.

Everyone Hates Everyone, A Word...

January 14, 2021

I was studying Hebrews 12 this morning and I have some thoughts on the current climate in our country. You could say some fresh words from an ancient book. We are living in a time of incredible anger, bitterness and division. There’s been talk of civil war and everyone seems to be throwing around verbal rocks that are injuring the innocent and the guilty. In fact, it’s been so hard both nationally and personally that just a few days ago, I was crying out to God for the Second Coming of Jesus – it’s just too much down here!! Come, Lord Jesus, come. However, since you’re reading this, that means that Jesus has decided to wait just a little longer before His return. So, what do we see in the Bible that could be helpful to our situation, especially in the way we relate with one another, especially those on the “other side”? Let’s start with our text and then allow me to share some thoughts about it: Hebrews 12:14-17 – Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears. Who’s job is it to seek peace with the other person? That’s right, it’s your job and my job. We all strive for it, not waiting for the other person to “come to their senses”. We also are to strive for holiness, what does that mean in our context? Well, to be holy is to be set apart for God’s purposes. If we’re not striving for holiness, we are striving for ourselves. And if everyone is striving for what they think and want then NO ONE gets to see the Lord. Do you see how that works? Every man for himself means no one for God – bad recipe! “See to it” he says that no one fails to obtain God’s grace. I don’t get to choose who gets grace and who doesn’t. It’s above my pay grade and it’s not my choice. And in God’s economy, no one misses out. Jesus didn’t just come to die for the Jews, but for Gentiles like me too and for that I am eternally grateful. My guess is there is someone right now in your world who you’ve been withholding grace from. It’s not your choice, you need to “see to it” that no one misses that. My guess is a conversation, text or email may need to be sent today. I would challenge you to do that. What might happen on a national scale if we all extended grace to one another, even those we might unilaterally choose to withhold it from? He then goes on to talk about bitterness and what he calls “a root of bitterness”. Think about a root, it’s not seen at first, it’s under the ground buried but if unattended to it will “spring up”. Unfortunately, that is what we are seeing in our nation. And this bitter root is currently causing trouble and defiling many. Are there any roots growing in us toward another person or group of people? It may be time for some gardening. And finally, he talks about Esau who sold his birthright for a meal. The birthright was the holy privilege of Esau that, granted, he wouldn’t fully experience the benefits of until later. But what the writer to Hebrews is saying is that Esau sacrificed the eternal, the long game for the temporary. Haven’t we all been there? And how many of us, like Esau, would plead for another chance to do it over? When we sacrifice the eternal for the temporary we tend to hurt ourselves in the now and in the future. The ancient writer, invites us to look around right now and ask ourselves, “Where are we sacrificing the future for what we see in the present?” Or what if we turned it around? How are you and I seeking the eternal when the temporary is hard (and we’re hungry now)? I know I opened this article telling you I wanted to address the national situation and kept talking about us. I did this, because I believe that’s what the Bible does. We’d love to keep the issues out there and with “them” and “those people” but God changes the hearts of individuals. And I love what Jesus said often, “he who has ears, let him hear”. Which, to me, means, if you’re reading this then He wants to start with you. The “others” may not have ears to hear right now, but you do. Why not choose to be a part of the positive solution starting in your world with what you can do?

Forgetting the Wrong Things

August 1, 2017

  I think most of us have a forgetful streak (some of us it’s more than a streak). And for the most part the things we forget have little consequence in what matters most. Sure we may find ourselves delayed leaving our house because our keys are misplaced or feeling badly that we forgot a good friend’s birthday. However in the large scheme of things there is little life consequence. As a person who is seeking to follow God, there are actually two things we often forget that can have some very difficult consequences in our lives. When we forget these two things about God we will find ourselves worrying more, stressing more and sinning more. In fact without these two things being believed and top of mind for us we will be more susceptible to all kinds of temptations. Temptations are “fallen for” when we succumb to the lies that whatever they’re asking us to do will give us what we really want and long for in life. (And by contrast, the lie that God isn’t for us or able to provide what we really need and long for.) The two things we often “forget” about God is that He is good/ for us and that He is powerful/ can do anything. You see when we forget that God is good and for us we begin to believe we have to look out for ourselves. We gotta make life happen, we gotta find the things that will give us what we really long for because God can’t be trusted for those kinds of things. When we doubt/forget God’s goodness we begin to question where God is, why He doesn’t seem to be doing what we think He should be doing and are very skeptical that He’ll ever come through with anything we really need. When we forget His power we are apt to believe that while God may want to help us, He is unable to. We begin to live by the adage, “if you want something done right, do it yourself.” We tell ourselves that God is either too busy, has too many more important things to do or that the situation we are facing is unique and beyond what God could really fix and since we’re already questioning His love and goodness, why would He <em>want</em> to help anyway? Do you see how damaging these thoughts and beliefs can become in our lives? Now obviously, I DO believe that God is truly good and for us. I do believe that God is all powerful and can do absolutely anything. Those two concepts are so key to the way you and I live our lives. And if you’ve never believed those two things I would encourage you to research that out. Obviously before you can “remember” something you have to first “know” it. And to be fair for many of us we will need to look at the Bible and God’s character and track record to see it and choose to trust it. My hope is you have lots of personal experiences to point to, but even so, adding a strong support from God’s Word of Truth will only strengthen your understanding and belief. We also may need to fight some of the “feeling-based theology” that is all too common today (that faulty theology says, “if we don’t “feel” like something is true it’s not true!”) We must choose to base our lives on what is true regardless of our circumstances or feelings. There is so much more we could say on this subject, but I need to leave it here for now to explore the main theme of this post: remembering what’s most important. In order to remember that God is good and all powerful, we are provided with some great tools to do so. Psalm 107 repeats the phrase, “let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love”. One of things the Bible tells us often is to be thankful and one of the things that people often miss is gratitude. So the first tool we’re given to remember is the tool of “thanksgiving” or gratitude. What does that do for us? Well, by taking intentional time to remember and give thanks for the love of God we take the emotions and gratitude we felt at the moment and bring it into the present. When we can see right in front of us the goodness of God and the power of God in our lives we are less likely to doubt or stray from Him. One idea that may help us with this is building a practice in our lives of writing one thing we are thankful for and tie it to God’s love and goodness. The other practice that will help us remember is to talk with each other about what God has done in our past and is doing in our present. Again in Psalm 107 it says, “let the redeemed of the Lord say so” and “let them extol him in the congregation of the people, and praise him in the assembly of the elders.” By us bringing God into our everyday/ real time conversations we remind each other and show each other what God can do in someone else’s life and we remember what He can do in ours as well. Take time to be thankful and to be talkative about the goodness and love of the Lord and the power He is constantly demonstrating in our lives. We are more likely to stay the course when we utilize the things that God has given us.

Intentional Friendships

March 23, 2019

There is a crisis today which is impacting everyone but is majorly hurting Christians and the church. It’s not really a new crisis but instead of getting better, it seems to be getting worse. I’m talking about meaningful friendships and the growing lack of them! It’s not that we don’t want them, we do. In fact, the Bible tells us we were made for them, and yet they seem to fall so short of their intentions. Why is this? Why do friendships fall short of their intention? I’ve not done any study on this topic, but I’d say I traffic in environments where relationships are rampant. So I offer my musings on the question. As I mentioned earlier, I’m not sure this is a new crisis, because particularly as guys, friendships have always been a little weird. Well that, and a culture that has promoted surfacey conversations without depth, feeling or revealing anything about ourselves. Isn’t it amazing how you can talk with someone for a little while and walk away thinking, “I didn’t learn a thing about that person?!” We’ve become masters of talking without really saying anything. I think social media has not helped things in this department either. We’ve reduced conversations down to short phrases, limited characters and quick jabs. Social media has given us a sense of “connection” without really being connected. It’s like we’re eating air while looking at a picture of a steak – somethings missing! So what happens is we walk around thinking we’ve experienced relationship, and yet feeling so unsatisfied and confused. That’s because in most cases, you DIDN’T experience relationship, you consumed content. So what happens is either we experienced a really watered-down and weakened version of a friendship or we actually experienced a counterfeit!  I think the third thing is a growing lack of conversation. Many of us have no idea what really meaningful conversation even sounds like, let alone how to do it. And let’s be honest, many of us are so self-absorbed and self-focused that if you’re topic doesn’t pertain to me, benefit me or somehow impact me well then I’m just waiting for you to finish your blabbing so I can talk about what I want to talk about. Add to that the lost art of question asking. Sure we may ask questions but they’re often reduced to “yes or no” or some other factual piece of information. Why does it matter? As mentioned above, God created us for relationship. In fact, relationships are the primary means and environment for spiritual growth and progress in our lives. So if we are settling for acquaintances or are unaware of what relationships are intended to be then we will be severely stunted in our spiritual growth! Not to mention all the pragmatic things like loneliness, boredom, depression, feeling invisible etc. We need relationships and not just any relationships – relationships of meaning and intention. An Alternate Idea I call this concept: “intentional friendships” because without intention and purpose we will default to either a watered-down and shallow relationship or a total counterfeit. So what happens in intentional friendships? First of all, and probably most critical is intentional friendships have a mutual investment. This means you don’t have one giver and one taker, but two people mutually engaged to see growth happen. That’s not to say there won’t be seasons of giving and taking in a healthy friendship but when you step back over time you see two people who both care and are committed to the other person. I’ve had relationships where I needed to sit down and ask for this “mutual investment” because it doesn’t come naturally and even the people who want to be a part of something like that often assume they’re the only ones. But once you have the courageous conversation, I’ve been pleasantly surprised how many people I meet who long for that kind of friendship. The second aspect is intentional friendships are focused on progress. The intention of being in relationship must go deeper than just companionship or two people who just don’t want to be alone. As I study the Bible’s view of relationships it seems to always present some sort of spiritual growth outcome in good and healthy relationships. This means I need to know the other person well enough (often through asking meaningful questions) to be able to assess what their needs are. This is key, we must not start with us, but with the other person. Jesus came to serve and we must have the same attitude in our relationships. I love how the author of Hebrews 10 says it, “consider how to stir up love and good deeds in each other”. My focus is to think about the best way to help you make progress, spiritually speaking. And because we are both mutually invested, I know you’ll be thinking about how to help me too. The great thing about relationships is we don’t have to be at the same spot spiritually in order to walk together. We can all learn from anyone regardless of where we may perceive them to be. I’ve learned a ton from people who are just beginning their faith journey, just as someone who has many years of experience. The reason that is is two fold: 1. it’s much more than knowledge we’re gaining, it’s character and 2. if they’re believers in Jesus they have the same Holy Spirit that I do and therefore He still speaks through us all! The third aspect is intentional friendships are curious and caring. Great friends are so interested in you that they get curious and verbalize that curiosity.  “I wonder why do you that?” “what made you react that way?” “what do you think about….?” “I’ve always wondered what drives you?” and on and on it goes. Each curious question probing a little deeper, caring a little more and helping us to feel known. You see that is one of the reasons relationships feel so empty. No one knows us. Sure people know about us, but we rarely feel that another person really knows us and cares enough to go beyond our first answer to the question to some deeper place, a place that drives us. And when you’re known, you begin to feel loved and when you’re loved you get courageous and you get moving forward! Can you imagine that kind of friendship?! You and I have an opportunity to begin to create a different kind of Christian community made up of intentional friendships. Don’t go looking for them, they must be made and now that you’ve been invited into this space, it’s up to you to start moving towards it!

Is the Bible Your Authority?

February 15, 2016

We live in a culture that has unfortunately made the Bible either on an equal level with any other piece of information or in some cases less than. However, without the Bible we are left essentially without a reliable source of authority. Even among those who believe in the Bible, many often make themselves the authority and choose to follow only the parts of the Bible that they agree with.

Look Both Ways

March 26, 2018

When I was growing up one of the big things parents and adult figures would say to us kids was, “look both ways before crossing the street”. They engrained it in us so that we wouldn’t just “run out in traffic”. As I think about my life and faith today a similar principle has become something that I live by: “reflect before responding” and “reflect before moving”. In a similar way as looking up and down a street, if we fail to survey our environment and our own lives we run the danger of “running into traffic” with similar emotional results as the physical pain of actual automobiles. First let’s talk about “reflect before responding”. Immediately my mind goes to conflict or harsh words. If we don’t pause in the midst of a tension filled time and think before we talk we will end up throwing gasoline on an already raging fire. The goal in conflict is not to passively give in but to reduce stress and tension so that an argument can dial down to “robust dialogue”/discussion. But I also think this principle of reflecting before responding comes into play with how many things we say “yes” to. If we would just reflect before responding to yet another request for our time and attention, we may be happier and more discerning in what we commit ourselves to, realizing that every yes is several “no’s” to other things. The second phrase is “reflect before moving” and this may have a little more spiritual emphasis. I’m not sure what areas to grow in, what learning environments to pursue, what mentors to seek out and even what Bible practices to practice more diligently if I don’t stop and reflect. I’ve found that most of us are not aware of what is going on in our hearts. What is driving our behaviors and what really must be changed, surrendered or transformed in us. So what happens is we end up changing things that are really more surface or more symptoms and either become legalistic or frustrated because the change doesn’t really better our life or situation. By developing the regular and consistent practice of reflecting or thinking deeply about our lives we will be both more in touch with our own reality and better prepared to move forward. Reflection is truly a lost art and one that will take time to cultivate in our lives but such a critical skill.

Opinionated, Confused and Half Hearted

June 26, 2018

We live in an age of opinion. If you get three people in a room you’re likely to have four opinions. I find it amusing how people will even offer opinions on subjects they know nothing about. In addition I find I’m very swayed by the opinions of strangers, particularly when it comes to reviews on products on Amazon, restaurants to eat at, movies to watch or even politics. And while you and I are swayed by opinions, we all know deep down that they can’t be trusted. Sure it’s probably no big deal when it comes to buying something or spending a couple of hours in a movie theater, but when it comes to how we live our lives and what we believe in, we all have this sense that there’s nothing really solid to believe in. I’m discovering that more and more of us live with a subtle skepticism about most things and I believe it’s in large part to the plethora of opinions, opinions that can’t be trusted. The confusion that our current situation has placed us in, I believe has caused us to be half-hearted creatures. We don’t want to commit to anything and if we do, we now need to be convinced without any room for doubt. All of this has set up a nearly impossible environment for faith to thrive. So more and more of us attend church, do “Christian’ things but are very reticent to commit or go all in. Maybe not because we doubt it’s truth, but because we’ve been conditioned to not commit to anything! Jesus calls for commitment and without commitment no one changes and little impact is made. Yes we are conditioned to resist this, but that doesn’t mean we should. When you and I are committed to a cause, especially one with the backing and transformational power of the Gospel we have amazing potential! The gospel’s forward movement is dependent on committed, all-in kind of people. Sure, we may have reason to resist but I believe we have more reason to insist! When we are committed the gospel and it’s mission it changes us first of all. Mediocrity is not inspiring, does not motivate and ultimately will have little impact on our lives. Have you ever tried to “sorta diet”? how about “sorta save money for something”? Sorta anything leaves us bored and without positives we want. In addition our commitment has impact on other people like few if anything else can. The world and people will never become a better place with half-hearted, half-way, sorta kinda faith. We need to live compelling lives, lives that motivate others. And when you add the Holy Spirit of God to the mix, now you have an unstoppable, world changing, people transforming power that brings meaning and joy to life. Don’t settle or justify a half-hearted life. You were made for something more. Our world needs something more!

People Who Help People Grow

September 26, 2016

We are created for relationship and we will not grow spiritually without other people. There is only so far we can grow on our own. Growth happens when we are the kind of people who take interest and responsibility for others’ growth. Growth also happens when there are people around us who are focused on helping us grow too. So let’s zoom in on three traits or qualities that should be present in spiritual friendship. For You — One needs to know that the person we are in friendship with is for us. This means they aren’t trying to help themselves or use us for some purpose. It means that we trust one another, comments are kept confidential and there is an innate belief that there is more for the person then they currently are experiencing. When I’ve been around people who I know are for me and believe in me, I’m much more willing to be vulnerable, confess shortcomings etc. because I know they aren’t disappointed in me, but want to help me get better. In our relationships we must be very intentional about conveying we are for the other person and we need to find friends who we are confident are for us. With You — In addition to believing in the other person, we need to know that they are in it with us. This means we don’t act as if we have it more together than the other person. We are willing to be vulnerable. We are humble and are willing to express empathy because we are not acting like we are further along. And if we are further along we help the other person to know that we will walk with them not in front of them. This also involves being a good listener, taking interest to really understand the other person and what their present reality is and what they wish for. True friends are in it with us and can relate with what we’re feeling. Propel You — The last trait we need is someone who will move us forward. It’s not enough to just in the mess with us, but someone who will push us past the mess. Obviously this involves encouraging each other. In Hebrews 10:23 it says, “consider how we may spur one another on…” I love the verse because of how it starts: “consider”. Not everyone is spurred on the same way. We must consider the other person and what will truly “spur them forward”. This means I need to know the other person well enough. Propelling someone else also means I’m willing to say the hard thing, I’m willing to “call” a person on something that is off in their life. We must be willing to even risk the relationship because our desire for their best is so strong that we work hard to move them forward. Finding the kind of people who are for you, with you and will propel you will often take time, however, we can choose to be these kind of people for others today. As we choose to come alongside of others, we will foster an environment that is others-focused and honoring to God.

Rules Without Relationship

May 7, 2018

For about 13 years I was a youth pastor. I loved working with high school and junior high students. One phrase we often used with parents of adolescents was: “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion”. This was not a phrase original with me but you can see the logic behind it almost immediately. If, as a parent, I expect you to obey my rules but I have no relationship with you, you are likely to push back and not follow the rules. In fact, if the rules make no logical sense or you don’t agree with them, there is no way you’ll do them. It’s your relationship with me, as your parent that has the potential to make or break my ability to influence and shape you as my child. And ever since those days as a youth pastor, that was the only context I thought about the phrase, that is until now. Lately I’ve been thinking about our lives as followers of Jesus. And because I became a Christian at a young age and have always had a fondness for Jesus, the “rules” and expectations of being a Christian were never that big of a deal for me. But ever so subtly I began to realize that I was viewing the “rules” of faith quite differently than the “relationship” of faith. In fact, I think many Christians don’t connect the Word of God with the love of God. It’s not that we don’t follow the Word or that we don’t love God but I’ve noticed most of us rarely put those two concepts together. Jesus said, if you love me, you’ll obey my commandments but have we actually seen those commandments as expressions of His love? One set of verses from Psalm 119 really messed me up on this topic. Pay close attention to the descriptive words that the writer uses when he talks about the Word of God: Psalm 119:162-168 New Living Translation (NLT) 162 I rejoice in your word, like one who discovers a great treasure. 163 I hate and abhor all falsehood, but I love your instructions. 164 I will praise you seven times a day because all your regulations are just. 165 Those who love your instructions have great peace and do not stumble. 166 I long for your rescue, Lord, so I have obeyed your commands. 167 I have obeyed your laws, for I love them very much. 168 Yes, I obey your commandments and laws because you know everything I do. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t typically use words like “rejoice, love, long” to describe “rules”! As I read that I immediately thought, “there’s something I’m missing”! This author is having an experience with God’s Word that I guess I’ve not really had and if I have, it hasn’t been often. The words and descriptions he’s using are the kinds of words we use for relationships not for principles, precepts or rules. This author had learned how to reconnect the Word of God with the love of God and His understanding and interaction with the Word was radically changed. And that brings us back to the statement we began with: rules without relationship leads to rebellion. Could the reason we aren’t fully following God’s Word be that we’ve lost the relational aspect of it? Could the reason we “pick and choose” the parts of the Bible we agree with or don’t offend us to be the ones we follow while leaving lots of guidance on the table be because we see the Word as a list? a menu of righteous behaviors to choose from? While there are aspects of my wife, her opinions and personality that I don’t agree with or always enjoy, I take her as she is and love her as she is. She comes as a complete package and I love being in relationship with her. In fact I would say, if you’re in a relationship where the other person thinks exactly like you think, has all the same opinions and can never disagree with you that you’re not really in relationship at all! It’s the fact that God can contradict us, cause us to think, push back on us that reminds us we are in RELATIONSHIP with Him. I think the evil one has done a masterful job of divorcing the Word of God from the love of God and it’s only when we reconnect them that we not only will see our relationship with God go deeper and further, but we’ll discover we live lives more in alignment with the way we were designed to live and relate! We may not have felt we’ve been in rebellion because if we’ve just seen the Word as a menu, we were simply making different choices. But when you realize it’s relationship, well, that changes everything.

Shame and Guilt

February 15, 2016

In 2 Corinthians 7:10 it states, "For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death." And for years I've wrestled with what this "godly grief" might be. While I'm not sure I yet have a definitive answer, I have discovered a few things about guilt and change. When I was a younger Christian (and a younger person) I remember ritualisticly ending every night with a prayer that went something like this, "...

Spiritual Progress

December 26, 2015

Many view spiritual activity, church attendance or the addition of new information as spiritual growth or progress. Yet spiritual progress from a biblical standpoint has more to do with becoming more like Jesus, loving others well, reorienting life and priorities etc etc.

Tool: In the Moment Anxiety Reducer

August 8, 2020

Many of you know that I’ve struggled with a few different types of anxiety. There are so many factors that play into it and so many ways we try to deal with it. I wanted to share a simple tool that I’ve found is helpful for me to calm down in the moment or right before I enter a time where I’m typically anxious. One of the symptoms of anxiety is a racing heartbeat. It also tends to affect circulation as the body responds to anxiety as if its life is being threatened, This tool helps mitigate these two symptoms. First of all, sit down, make sure that nothing is crossed (legs, arms, etc). I tend to put my hands on my knees and my feet squarely on the floor. Secondly, begin to breathe slightly deeper but don’t overdo it – the breathing should be normal but slightly deeper. As you breathe in through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth in your mind say the word, “relax”. Repeat this breathing about 5-8 times. Thirdly, as you continue breathing slowly now begin to focus on your hands. Imagine your hands getting one degree warmer. I tend to focus on one hand at a time. As you imagine it getting warmer, I tend to feel that warmth but I also feel like my hands are puffing up (they aren’t, it just feels that way). After the one hand begins to tingle or feel warmer or puffier, I then focus on the other hand. This crazy exercise actually moves blood into your hands and restores a more normal circulation. I will often use this tool as I’m awaiting an important, stressful meeting, or phone call. I also have used this tool throughout the day just to bring some normalness back into my regular schedule and life. Again, this doesn’t “fix” anything and is not meant to be a remedy for anxiety. It merely helps your physical body and the impacts of anxiety in the moment. I hope it’s helpful for you.

True Change

April 15, 2019

I have been doing a lot of thinking about how we see true change happen in our lives. Part of the reason I’ve been looking into this is as a pastor working at a church I know that churches are in the business of helping people change. And here’s where I think we’re getting this wrong, I think we often start in the behavior. We tell people, “stop doing that” or “start doing that”. And the crazy thing is there is typically some immediate results and maybe even longer term results depending on the person’s will power. And so it tends to push us into more and more “behavior modification” but is this the best way to bring about lasting change? And what happens when the behaviors go back to what they were before? We need a better system. As I read the Bible, both Old and New Testament, I began noticing when people typically ended up failing or going off the rails and when people tended to be truly transformed. In most cases, the failures followed commitments that were put on them, guilted, or even assumed. Transformation happened when it was a heart thing, a choice and a choice that started upstream from the behavior changes. The commitments that really ended up transformational had a few common characteristics: True commitments are relational — it’s not a commitment to a system, to a set of rules or standards but to a person. Again, none of these things are foolproof but let’s think about marriage. When I say “I do” to my bride on my wedding day, I’m typically not doing so out of coercion or because I “should” but because I’m crazy about her! And that relational commitment has sustained very consistent behavior from me for 20 years now! My commitment spiritually speaking is not to change my behavior, but my commitment is to a relationship with God and out of the commitment my behaviors will naturally change.True commitments are choices — when I don’t feel like I have an option to “not” choose this, I will tend to either be reluctant (drag my feet) or resentful and therefore my actions will be done from a heart that is far from sustainable. I believe one of the major reasons God allows evil to still be present on earth is it creates a clear alternative option. Not an option that God wants us to take and not one that He won’t continually warn us about, but an alternative none the less. Again to use my marriage as an example, if I don’t feel I got to choose my wife than I would always wonder what I was missing. But seeing others, showed me this is the choice I want to make. True commitments are a mindset — we must approach our commitments with open eyes and knowledgable brains. While we can’t predict everything that might happen or be tested we should not be blindsided with thoughts like, “I didn’t realize when I made this commitment I would have to…” Yet to be clear, the commitment isn’t to a set of behaviors, because making a list could limit our commitment to the items on the list. It’s a mindset, it’s reorienting my life around the commitment I choose to make. This is the big problem with what is often labeled as legalism, it creates an unnecessary dependence on the system/leaders etc. However if we learn to reorient our mindset around the choice we make we will have a constant ability to discern the appropriate response to any challenges. These are just a start into this discussion as I’m learning about lasting change. I want to end with the key concept which will also address when our commitments drift. The key to change is the heart commitments we choose to make. Start with the relational commitment NOT with the behaviors. And when drift occurs (which every commitment is susceptible to) we must go back and renew the commitment or “recommit” yet what often happens is we try to start behaving differently or like we “used to” only to be frustrated that it doesn’t bring the change we long for. The key is to go back to the heart, to the commitment and always let the behaviors flow from the commitment, not the other way around.

Want to Grow?

September 2, 2019

One of the things I am constantly thinking about is what causes us to grow spiritually. I do this first of all because I want to grow, I get tired of the same old bad habits, personality flaws and relational deficiencies. But I’m also a pastor and one of my main jobs is to help people, lots of people in their journey. And recently I stumbled onto an observation that could be a game changer for many of us. You see I’ve noticed that there are many of us who attend church and Bible studies regularly, we’re even involved in ministries and relate with other church people. And yet it’s challenging for us to see some of the progress we are wanting to see. I think the difference comes down to one word: engagement. While we are putting ourselves in some great environments and I do believe the right environments are key for growth. The problem is we often don’t truly engage in these environments. We fail to “make it personal”. We think if I can just learn the right things, I will grow. But if we never do anything with what we’re learning, it just won’t grow us. Now, don’t get me wrong, learning is critically important. Godly environments are some of the best places to saturate ourselves in. But don’t underestimate the power of engagement. So what does it mean to engage as opposed to just observe? Engagement first of all means engaging your mind. Not just to learn or take notes but to ask questions, wrestle with content, figure out what current beliefs you have that are being challenged by what you’re learning. Secondly, engagement is about exercise or practice. Take the concepts you’re learning and try them out. You may not believe them yet, and you won’t do them perfectly, but try them. Take a step of faith, put yourself in a situation that is a little out of your comfort zone. Remind yourself that you’re just practicing so you don’t have to do it perfectly. Thirdly, engagement is about sharing. Take what you’re learning and practicing and share it with other people in your life. Say things like, “I’ve been wrestling with this idea I heard and I’ve been trying to see what it looks like in my life and here’s what I’m seeing…. what do you think about that?” I also have found that trying to teach someone the thing I’m learning causes me to solidify it in my heart and mind better than if I just heard it.  There are many other ways to engage, but the bottom line is to be actively involved in what you’re learning and seeing. And the thing we didn’t even talk about: as you engage there will be all kinds of benefits for others and for the church. If you’re married and you start trying to discover what biblical love looks like, your spouse will be blessed. Let’s say you engage in the process of giving of your finances in a prioritized and big way, the church will be able to do more because of your partnership. Let’s say you choose to engage in evangelism by building a relationship with someone outside of faith, your “practice” could end up changing that person’s forever! And as all this is going on, you are growing like crazy all because you choose to engage!

What is Your ONE WORD for 2018?

January 25, 2018

Did you make New Year’s Resolutions this year?  If you’re like most Americans, you may have already ditched those well-intentioned-but-hard-to-keep personal goals.  Instead of a list of resolutions, why not focus on just ONE WORD during 2018? The “My One Word” concept was developed by a pastor and a life coach in North Carolina.  Mike Ashcraft and Rachel Olsen had heard from many people who were frustrated about making changes in their life—so they began to encourage them to focus on just one word that describes the type of person they’d like to become by the end of the year. Mike says the first step is to do a personal and spiritual inventory to determine the kind of person you believe God would want you to become this year. Next, identify the characteristics of that person.  Are they gentle? Are they generous?  What qualities would you like to develop with God’s help? The final step is to choose one word that best describes one of those qualities. There might be 15 different things you’d like to change in your life, but resist the temptation to promise to change them all.  Instead, focus on one word for the year. You can find a list of the words other people have chosen and encouragement for your own journey by going to http://myoneword.org/